"Doubts"

Baba's message and example was that it is possible in this very birth to be "Self-Realized".

It was why we are born, he would often teach.

A few years after I had received Kriya Yoga initiation and started practicing the Kriya Yoga techniques, I started to have doubts in my mind.

"What does Baba really want from me?  Does he want my money? Is this a Cult?, What is really going on here?

The whole summer, while he was in New York City, my mind was full of doubts and even sitting next to him in class, I couldn't talk to him about my troubled mind. 

This went on for the whole summer and he didn't say anything about this me. 

At this time I was not directly involved with organizing his programs in New York City and still a relatively new member of the group.

On the last day of his visit, I went to see him off from the apartment he was staying at in New York City on the Upper East Side.

Standing outside in the street on Third Avenue, holding the front passenger car door open for him, at the last possible moment before getting in the car and going to the airport to fly back to India for another year, he turns to me and said,

"I have one motive, that you meditate deeply and be realized."

And every year for the twenty years I knew him he stayed true to that motive.